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Butterfly Ishida
20 July 2013 @ 07:42 pm
does anyone know a good way to backup a livejournal so i had have it on my hard drive?
Butterfly Ishida
28 March 2013 @ 12:19 pm

I leave today!!!!

My flight is in just over 6 hours in fact!

It hasn't hit me yet that I'm going back to Aus

But I am SUPER EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Current Mood: excitedexcited
Butterfly Ishida
07 February 2013 @ 07:35 pm
I've booked my tickets to Aus on Tuesday and here are the details my lovely Aussie's are dying for:

I leave Toronto on Thursday March 28th and land in Melbourne at 9:20am local time on Saturday March 30th.

I leave Melbourne on Monday April 15th at 9:35am and arrive back home on Tuesday April 16th after a day in LA touring the tar pits booyah

Here is what I need from ya'll down Aus-end:

Is anyone going to meet me at the airport?
Who can I stay with while I'm there?
Is anyone able to take me to the airport ass early on the day I leave?

I want to do a lot of touristy shit as well as seeing all my friends. If you have anything inparticular you'd like to do while I'm there, let me know!! I want to see everyone and do everything!!!!
Current Mood: excitedexcited
Butterfly Ishida
02 February 2013 @ 09:07 pm
Manage me, I'm a mess
Turn a page, I'm a book
Half unread

I wanna be laughed at
Laughed with, just because

I wanna feel weightless
And that should be enough

But I'm stuck in this fucking rut
Waiting on a second hand pick me up
And I'm over, getting older

If I could just find the time
Then I would never let another day go by
I'm over, getting old

Maybe it's not my weekend
But it's gonna be my year
And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere
And this is my reaction
To everything I fear
Cause I've been going crazy I don't want to waste another minute here

Make believe that I impress
That every word
By design
Turns a head

I wanna feel reckless
I wanna live it up, just because

I wanna feel weightless
Cause that would be enough

If I could just find the time
Then I would never let another day go by
I'm over, getting old

Maybe it's not my weekend
But it's gonna be my year
And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere
And this is my reaction
To everything I fear
Cause I've been going crazy I don't want to waste another minute here

This could be all that I've waited for
(I've waited, I've waited for)
And this could be everything
I don't wanna dream anymore

Maybe it's not my weekend
But it's gonna be my year
And I've been going crazy
I'm stuck in here

Maybe it's not my weekend
But it's gonna be my year (it's gonna be my year)
And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere (go nowhere)
And this is my reaction
To everything I fear (everything I fear)
Cause I've been going crazy I don't want to waste another minute here

every weekend this becomes my anthem and then I forget about it while I'm trying to survive my work week.

Really though. It's time to get myself moving. Maybe it's NOT my weekend but godsdamnit, I need to make it my year.

Problem is....i've been static so long I don't think I know how to start again....
Current Mood: restlessrestless
Current Music: Weightless.....All Time Low
Butterfly Ishida
writing was so much easier when i was younger. words just flowed from my brain to my fingers, whether in type or in pen and pencil. I would fill notebooks and the backs of assignment sheets with stories and the worlds that filled my head.

then i was medicated.

it all stopped when i went on to my anxiety meds. my doctor told me it would. warned me that all my creativity would disappear because the pills would put everything on an even keel. that my emotions would become flat and steady, few highs or lows that always made the creative process fly. i'd be able to look people in the eye and pick up the phone to call for a pizza though.

and i can do that. but i can't write. everything is like pulling teeth. the stories are still the there. the complicated worlds that i want to share but bringing them from my head to my fingers on to the paper or the screen is harder than picking up the phone ever was.

i wish i could write the way i used to, with words pouring from me so fast it was hard to keep up. i wish i could read like i used to, devouring books and getting lost in other authors' worlds.

instead i can look a person in the eye and walk away without a flutter of feeling whatsoever.
Butterfly Ishida
14 January 2013 @ 08:24 pm

My plans for Hawaii have been scrapped for the time being because the parentals can't afford it at this time. Hopefully next year then.

But what to do with the savings account that is sitting swollen in my bank account. I'll tell you what to do.

I want to go back to Aus.

Go visit my home away from home for two weeks. Be the nerdy tourist I never got a chance to be while living there as a student.

I'm coming Melbourne!!!!!

Who has a spot on a couch for me?
Current Mood: excitedexcited
Butterfly Ishida
13 January 2013 @ 01:34 pm
as someone who has battled with depression for more than half my life I have to say, standing on the opposite side now, watching someone else go through it....

depressed people can be REALLY fucking aggravating.

My mom is going through it and it is just hell. I'm medicated for it and my social anxiety disorder but she refuses to get help. She says God will help her through.

God may help but medication will do it faster. Fuck come ON mother. You are the person who's always asking if i'm on my meds and making sure I don't come off because she doesn't want to see me like that again. Now she refuses even though she's getting to be impossible to live with.

This is driving me nuts. I never thought being on the other side would be so irritating.
Current Mood: irritatedirritated
Current Music: all time low
Butterfly Ishida
25 December 2012 @ 05:08 pm
*blows the dust off*

I know we all hardly use our ljs anymore, they've become a thing of the past when we were all students with too much love for animated boys and fashion statements that would now make us cringe. What times though, what times. Good times, bad times, times when the only people who you felt understood you were the ones on your flist.

So, on this Christmasy of Christmas days (where we finally got some snow here in Brampton), I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, whatever you celebrate.

<3 butterfly
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
Butterfly Ishida
10 November 2012 @ 12:45 pm
We talked about Rememberance Day as a class yesterday, as most classrooms did I'm sure. I brought in and read them a book, I explained what a World War was to them, tried to explain why WW2 happened (which is a class of mostly ethnic minorities, hit them quite hard), and I brought the photo I have of my grandfather in his navy uniform. The frame around the photo is soft and every year I slide my poppy into it so there are a handful decorating it.

They asked lots of questions about my grandda, mostly curious if he died in the war (which is a no) and if he's still alive now (which is a no ;_;) then we went about our usual day of playing and having snack, etc. I was helping a few of the girls do fashion design so I didn't notice this happen but at the end of the day when I was tidying up, I picked up my grandda's picture and realized something.

There were more poppies there than there had been when I brought it in.
Current Mood: touchedtouched
Butterfly Ishida
27 October 2012 @ 01:16 pm
Last night I was helping Jake set up his wall racer track and, as I usually do when frustrated, I started to sing under my breath. Green Day's 'Oh Love' is what came to mind and I sand the chorus over and over to myself while I built and Jake played. He stopped his play after a few moments and stood up behind me, patting my shoulder for my attention and had the biggest smile on his face.

"Why are you singing that Aunty Janine?" he asked and I grinned.
"Because I love Green Day. They're my favorite band." I replied, getting a giggle from him and a somehow even bigger smile.
"mine too. I really love them." he told me and i melted.

I know he's not even five yet and still has years ahead of him to develop his own taste in music and Green Day is unlikely to be his favoruite forever. I know he's at that age where he wants to please adults and likes everything they like.

But my gods, when he says that to me and we share that moment, I love him more than anything. He doesn't know how much Green Day means to me, he just knows the song from Angry Birds and knows i smile like a food whenever he puts that version of the game on, but the fact that he likes them, can identify one of their songs, it's a feeling I can't even describe.

It's just two of my favourite things in the world combining and it makes my heart swell.

I love that when he tells me he loves Green Day it's usually only the two of us hanging out and playing, like their our little secret.

It's awesome.